He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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