I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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