and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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