i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
