went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
