you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
