I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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