I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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