I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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