I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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