I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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