Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
