my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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