sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's never too late to be topless.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
