Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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