hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
