My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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