I didn't shave. On purpose
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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