I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
