Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
