I want to make a zoo with you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
