I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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