And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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