You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
