One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
