i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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