my mouth tastes like poor choices
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
