I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila