I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.