Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.