My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.