wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then