i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now