Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
