I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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