..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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