The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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