I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
