Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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