We're like a lot better than the average bears
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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