remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
where are my eyebrows?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
