he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
