He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
