new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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