one two three fourrrrnication!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
