He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
