I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
