Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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