Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
