i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
