can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm sobbing to NWA
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
