We're like a lot better than the average bears
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
