Apparently you make a good broom.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
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Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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