genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
