she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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