We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
