you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
