I wish I could punch you in the face.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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