My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
