i think my mom watched the whole time
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
