I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
