So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
