he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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