My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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