We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
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I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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