I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We don't watch enough power rangers
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
