shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
